The Wil Wheaton Project (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Tolerate Syfy)

A Few months ago, Wil Wheaton announced that he was developing a new talk-show, followed closely by the news that David Letterman was leaving CBS's Late Show next year. Naturally, I freaked, thinking that
maybe one of my favorite dudes on the planet was getting his big break. Imagine... Wesley Crusher doing the "Top 10 Reasons Not To Invite Worf to a Bachelor Party." I was understandably (if unfairly) disappointed when it was announced that Stephen Colbert would take the helm of Letterman's show after his departure. Nonetheless, I was hopeful that Wil would soon be part of my nightly talk show heroin fix soon enough. Then, I learned his new show would be on SyFy...

Shortly after the vomiting ceased and the hives faded, I decided that I would eventually get around to seeing his new show, hopefully before it was cancelled in favor of a new weekly sitcom based on Sharknado or something. Perhaps I should explain my attitude...

Back in the day, The SciFi Channel was awesome. They ran reruns of some of the best classic sci fi series ever made, as well as a few less than credible old favorites. It was not unusual to see marathons of classic shows like Star Trek, The Six Million Dollar Man, Knight Rider and Twilight Zone in their regular rotation. They had some cool "new" series, as well... Sliders, SG1, Farscape and Tremors: The Series. All had their strengths and weaknesses, but they were all interesting shows in their own right. Then, the self-mades came... The SciFi original series and movies. Some of the shows were bad enough, but the movies, most of them rip-offs of more well-known movie franchises, were absolutely dreadful. Horrible acting, horrible effects... a literal "what not to do" course in science fiction motion picture arts and sciences. Anonymous Rex, Piranhaconda, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, Ice Spiders, and an ill-conceived remake of Children of the Corn to name but a few. Watching Syfy became, for all intents and purposes, a torturous endurance test, rather than an evening's mindless escape. Therefore, when I learned that Phoenix ComicCon's favorite guest was unable to attend this year because he was working on his new talk show for THAT channel, I was decidedly non-plussed. Screw it, I was fucking pissed!!! How dare the worst channel on my cable lineup snatch up the one Trek celeb I had not only met, but actually had photo-ops with without having to shell out $80 (and he thought my daughter was cute, too)!

Anyway, the other night, on pure whim, I was channel surfing (NCIS was in reruns) and saw that The Wil Wheaton Project was on. I decided to watch. Reluctantly, my thumb permitted me to select SyFy on my cable menu, something it had flat out refused to ever allow to happen again after last year (see next weeks "Film Rants" pilot episode for why), and proceeded to watch...

Immediately, I was struck by the technical similarities to Talk Soup and Tosh.0. Here was Wil, obviously standing in front of a green screen, wearing a tie with a polo shirt, looking somehow simultaneously cool and terrified. This was not the smooth, energetic, on-his-game Wil I had come to know at conventions. He was uneasy, a bit uncomfortable... awkward. It was obvious that he hasn't quite found his voice as a TV personality yet. Then, on another whim, I pulled out my old VHS copy of the first episode of NBC's Late Night with David Letterman. Within moments, I had the inevitable epiphany. I watched young Dave, foundering about the set like a mackerel on a pogo stick. He was uneasy, uncomfortable and even more awkward than Wil had been. It became quickly apparent to me that Wil Wheaton has every bit as much potential and talent as Letterman... as Conan... as Carson...

The show itself was funny enough, if a bit too safe for my tastes. Still, I gotta give them props for having Skeletor drop "S" bombs on the show. With a little better writing, more energy, and a little more risk-taking, Syfy could have a certifiable hit on its hands. They don't deserve it, but Wil does, so wherever he has to hang his hat to get a little seasoning under him is fine by me. Hey, at least it's not the Golf channel. I will continue to keep an eye on The Wil Wheaton Project. Let's see what the erstwhile acting ensign can do with it.

Make it so, Mr. Wheaton!

17 minutes worth of 2 foot fury; a small preview of Guardians of the Galaxy.

So tonight I waited almost 2 hours just to watch a 17 minute preview of the upcoming film "Guardians of the Galaxy" which comes out in only 3 weeks.  Myself and my son were sandwiched between two people of dubious showering habits, one of which was taking up way more than his share of the two seats divided between us, causing me to have to lean at a 45 degree angle during the entire time seated.

And it was fucking worth every second.

Once the director James Gunn finished introducing the movie and we got to the actual film I was pulled in almost immediately.  Now going in I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see too much new footage, and I was completely right in that, just about every high point in this scene has been in a trailer somewhere, but the sign of a good movie is all of the stuff in between the highlight reels, that is the meat of the story telling.  I'm here to tell you that while the highlights have all the "Fuck Ya!" moments, it will be the meat of the story telling where this movie will win over fans.

If the rest of the movie is as well written as this little preview then all the people who have been saying that this is going to flop are going to have to have those words shoved up their ass sideways.... dry.

And do you want to know one of the biggest reasons why?  This little fucker right here.

I weigh 30 pounds, 15 of it is nut sack

In this little clip they did a great job of showing you who 4 of the 5 main characters are and did a decent job with the 5th, and I can tell you that Rocket Raccoon (voiced by Bradley Cooper) is going to steal this fucking movie just like Hulk did in Avengers.  The only character I can see making a bigger impact would be Groot (voiced by Vin Diesel).  Everyone loves and underdog, we tend to root for the little guy, but you know what we love more?  A little guy who doesn't know he is a little guy, and Rocket has more balls than just about any other character I have ever seen as a hero in a movie.  Seriously this dude is fucking nuts and smart as hell, and when he gets a gun in his hand, well, even Rambo would shit a couple tons of bricks.

The thing is, though, EVERY character that they introduced in this clip was pretty damn cool and well defined.  By the end you knew pretty much who every one was, what their motivations are, and how they are going to interact with each other.  Most movies can't fucking do that in 2 hours and Guardians fucking did it in less than 15 minutes.

And now I can't fucking wait to see more.

#guardiansofthegalaxy

Rage On

Does the fact that I like sword and sandal movies make me gay? Don't answer that.

I like the Rock because he doesn't take himself too seriously.  I like Hercules movies because they usually don't take themselves too seriously.  That means this may be a match made in men in leather skirt heaven, as long as everyone else didn't take it to damn seriously.

Things that could take this over the top for awesome.

1) Hercules gives the Nemean Lion the people's elbow.
2) Before fighting Cerberus he says "Finally, Hercules, has come back to Hades".
3) He calls Zeus a Jabroni

and lastly



4) Before leaving his wife and kids he asks if they can smell what Hercules is cooking.

Anyway, that is it for me today.

Rage off.

How many visuals can they shove up your ass at the same time...

First off, this movie looks like they designed it to burn your eyes out with awesome space opera goodness.  Second, it kind of seems like they focuses on burning your eyes out instead of making a good movie which I imagine banging a Kardashian would be like, fun while it lasts but the need to scorch off your genitalia would be strong afterwords.

Also, why does Channing Tatum look like Dominic Monaghan in this movie?

It kind of makes me think this movie is about a space shire where all the hobbit wear jet boots and carry Gungan shields.

Anyway, it looks like the studio has felt the need to push back the opening of this move to February to "Finish the Special Effects" which seams like code for "We didn't want to have to go up against Guardians of the Galaxy this summer", so we won't get to find out if this is shit or shinola until next year.

Rage on.

Fuck your sparkly god damn Vampires!

Why it has taken so long to do a movie like this I don't know.  I've always enjoyed when someone has tried to tell the actual story of Vlad Tepes and there are a few decent(ish) movies out there that go that route, but this is the first time I've seen one that combines the real with the myth in a way that looks fucking interesting.

Tell those sparkly fucking vampires to go back to sucking dick for money, it looks like the original may be back to kick their ass.

Rage On.

Movies from our youth

We all have our favorites movies from our youth, me it was Ol' Yeller, I don't think I have laughed as hard as I did the day I saw that movie, but a lot of them don't stand the test of time when we watch them as an adult.

Which movies from your youth stand up today like they did when you first saw them?

Rage out.

Just So You Know... Your Favorite Movie SUCKS!

Yes, that's right, it sucks. That one movie, the one you love so much it completes you. The one you turn to for comfort when life deals you the harsh card. Yeah, that one. It's a piece of shit. It's poorly shot,

horrendously edited, and pathetically acted. The director was incompetent, the cinematographer was a moron, the costume designer was just phoning it in, and the shit head who was in charge of casting must have been frying on really bad, brown acid when they thought up the cast for this idiotic piece of shit! The writer couldn't put together a first grade nativity play, and yet, some slack-jawed, mouth-breathing, over-paid cock face in an expensive suit who wouldn't know Shakespeare from the ingredients list on a box of Corn Flakes hired this tool to write your favorite movie, because it happens to match up with some hamfisted demographic research that told him what you supposedly want to watch, and like the drooling, gap-toothed dumb fuck you are, you bought into it, hook, line and stinker!

Your favorite movie is a piece of shit. Deal with it!

Here endeth the lesson.